written by : Maggie
It's been a while since we've seen you. You've hidden yourself away from us for some time. Slowly the news broke that you were back to your music, traveling around with various artists, looking for a new home. You were buying castles and going to live in Ireland so the media claimed. Or was that just part of the illusion?
You came back and went to live in Hollywood with
you're children. Seldom being seen and when and if you were out and about
shopping or going to a theatre with your children, that's when the commotion
came about over you and some possible plans that were in store.
As always erroneous reports began festering,
Jackson is very sick, he hasn't much time to live. Then a book was to be
published claiming these so call ailments. As always, we the fans, always blew
it off, because we knew better. We knew it was just another sicko trying to make
a buck off of Jackson's name and reputation.
Un-authorized photos of you were taken and
published. Most of them were beautiful, others so uncanny, a guise maybe --
possibly; while professional photo shots taken where you're a white suit,
fashionable and so sexy and dreamy. Then next, you're committing a fashion
fax paus with multi-colored mix-matched outfits that would give one a
migraine. Other times you seen being wheeled around in a wheel chair, disheveled
and not yourself, or the close up shot of your face filled with band-aids. Why
they choice to constantly get you with your guard down was their way of trying
to make you look bad and sometimes it worked other times it wasn't too bad, and
that it made up for the at home relax not given permission paparazzi photos of
you.
We barely heard a word from you at times. The silence
was unbearable, but yet understandable after what you previously went through in
2005. That alone would have driven anyone to the brink of no return. Yet, being
the staunch showman you were, you gave no hint, other than being tired and worn.
Yes you won and you were free, yet were you truly free? One has to wonder.
Society was so cruel.
Hints began filtering in that you may be putting out a
new album of sorts. There was an inkling of excitement in the air plus something
to look forward to. Even if the dates of this so call album constantly was being
pushed back; this was a never-ending tale to your career. Never
rushed, took your time and delighted in making us all wait. That was the game,
it didn't change.
Reports began to drop about your finances. Whether you
were stable or financially ruined, as if it was anyone's business or not.
Suddenly the news of an auction came along, your prize possessions, both from
fans and personal friends, were now being put up on an auction block.
Shocked beyond belief, fans were angry and with reason. Supporters from around the world had given you some priceless items as gifts, that even most of us didn't know about until they showed up in a book form, that sold for quite a high price; some with your signature, the rest without.
Upset, most felt insulted that priceless gifts
given with love at a moment of excitement and frenzy, during a special visit
with you, were now thrown into the cache to be auctioned. To them it was an
ultimate slap in the face, an insult as if "You don't care about us
anymore." They're anger was towards Michael and sometimes they didn't care what
he did or was about to do. It was a normal emotional reaction at the time, yet
as always short-lived. Instead it was aimed at those that were behind the
auction and who was responsible for removing such priceless items out of the
Neverland Ranch. Later it was learned that the ranch had been sold to
another. Yet why the auction, why not store the valuable Michael had?
Yet with everything in your ever changing world, came
the changes and plans, even for this event. The auction was suddenly pulled and
this angered many within your camp. What went down is anyone's guess. Confusion
and hearsay was everywhere.
Priceless treasures, beginning with your costumes, the
fedora, and a glitter glove, one of many gloves on display, gifts from royalty
and friends from afar. Furniture and memorabilia that even I could relate to,
while some stood with confusion as to what they were, or "what was he thinking
when he bought this" look.
Mannequins that either gave a hint they wish to serve
you, or ended up looking as if they were about to begin a piano session and
drinks were to be served. All eerie and yet amazing as well.
Eagles flew on one side, while ice cream bicycle carts
were on another. Pin ball machines were somewhat a collector's item, while doll
houses that could fill a room sat dauntingly in the bright lights as never
before seen.
Disney characters surrounding the walls on one end,
Peter Pan hid up in the alcoves as did the infamous Captain Hook. Tinkerbell of
course was nowhere to be seen, unless hidden in Peter's hair.
Art from around the world was displayed in every
corner of the room, as was the books and treasures, only you secretly read and
studied.
At times it was as if we, the fans, during that time
were given an opportunity to have a peek into your very private special world.
We felt privileged and somewhat pleased to see that you're complicated world
wasn't so bad after all. It was filled with treasures of childhood things that
made one feel safe and happy. A time machine of treasures that took us back away
from today fast paced world. All the pieces there were elegant and
extraordinary.
Even the guards that were with you Michael, were there
to make sure we didn't touch or ruin the cost of the item on display, yet all
were not so hard, some made light of what the fans were looking at, even made a
game of it and laughed when they told us the answer. Some were so sweet as to
tell us exactly how the gifts came about and why and made the visit to your
world, Michael all that much more special. We wanted to thank you but didn't
know how.
Even the owner kept teasing us, that you may be coming
to see how you're things were displayed. That was going to be the event most of
wanted to hang around until closing for. So we all sat in the center of the
room, watching video's, surrounded by your costumes, till you came. Yet that
never happened.
Little did we know that you had made other plans and
arrangements to be somewhere else to make another earth shattering announcement.
Some fans were lucky to be notified to be there to greet you. They are
considered the die-hard fans. I call them the concert lovers who were there
always for you Michael in the front of the stage so you would feel comfortable.
The announcement was that you were going to have a
concert. In London, that this would be the final one, "This is it," no more you
said. Ten shows and that is all you would do and that is it...The final show.
These very words still echo still in our minds to this
very day. "THIS IS IT" You said it Michael, "This is it," the final
show, no more, and a fist going up in the air, a kiss was blown to his
fans in the audience as they screamed with joy and happiness. Eerie as it may
be, this is it, was it really the last show, the last time we'd be with you or
ever see you again. We didn't think so at the time, yet those around you knew
what was being planned.
The hoopla surrounding the show began, the greed
stirred and demands became evident that what you stated Michael, as always, fell
on deaf ears and turned the page into a different venue. The greed became
vicious as they saw 10 shows sold in one day, the wanted to do more, and more
and it finally came about 50 shows and possibly more.
You felt overwhelmed. You agreed to one thing,
suddenly turned into a storm with unimaginable demands. Would your health make
you up to doing such a demanding tour like this, knowing how you felt about
tours, how you hated them, how they took so much out of you.
Yet fans not only bought one ticket, they bought more
than one to be at most of the shows, adding on the pressure and the demand.
Rehearsals were demanding and sometimes draining for
you. Much preparation had to be done to get your body ready. Costumes, dancers
etc.
It was the first shows, at least the first days of the
show, for your children so you said. I want my children to see what I did and
what made me who I am today and why things are the way they are with the
craziness.
Most of us who saw you, knew how thin you already
were, and knew there would be no way you could do this gigantic task that was
being put onto your shoulders at this time. Not that you couldn't, but you're
health was of ultimate concern, would this let you?
Well in a direct way we all got that answer a week
before he was to leave for London. Tired and jacked up from rehearsals, his body
was worn before it began. He just wanted to sleep, if only I could sleep for a
little while, I'll be fine. How does one sleep when you're mind is plastered up
on the ceiling from music, to remember where you're suppose to be, what you're
going to do next and so forth.
You were tired and the need for sleep made you reach
out for something that wasn't meant for this type of problem. You played truth
or dare with a dangerous chemical. You always won out in games, but this time
the game over took you. It didn't help that you had a bumbling idiot as a
doctor, whom you trusted with your life. You could have won out if the doctor
had been more astute to his business at hand.
We were looking forward to what you were planning on
this tour, what costumes would you wear and just how you were going to present
this was the driven force that built up excitement.
We all know how this ends. We all know how the show
would have looked, how his costumes would have blown us all away. Yet were we
just as much to fault as those who were greedy, for demanding maybe a little too
much of you at a time when you were not ready to give so much of yourself
anymore. That's something none of us will ever know.
We cried the tears, felt the pain, endured the loss
and are still in the shock mode because of it all. The King of Pop, really gone,
the music lives on, the voice and the light dimmed and the stage has finally
gone silent.
Meantime, the death of Michael represents what his
worth was truly like now that he is gone. The pressure that was placed on
Michael was the nail on the coffin. It was planned this way and his death was a
blessing for those who had other ideas. To these people it was the ideal that
we'll make more money off his death than when he was alive. They knew Michael
couldn't do these 50 or more shows. Yet the pushed and pressured him to do so or
else. They rid the problem that plagued them and now are profiting off of him.
The icon, the legend is nothing more now than a memory
...at least in the eyes of those who wanted him out of the way. For the family
it's a hard pill to swallow, that what they're son had told them over and over,
"they want me dead" fell on deaf ears at the time. Now they wished they had paid
attention more.
Over overemphasis was part of Michael's way of
expressing himself. We understood him, regardless of how it looked to others.
Yet what part all this was reality when you stop and think about it?
Stubbornness and denial are part of the symptoms that one can't grasp ahold of when dealing with drugs, we think we can do it, leave me alone, I am strong, I am not addicted and so on. Help ...I don't need it. It's all part of the scenario. Did anyone really take the time to "listen" or understand him...no. Each stood there and did nothing, wrung their hands free of him and walked away, to allow him to destroy what was left of himself.
Jackson didn't take his own life that way, especially the way some stories made it out to be, that he wanted to go like Elvis Presley. He may have made mention of it, but he feared it to some degree. Michael always said, he didn't like to think of those things, he wanted to live forever, as he told Bashir in the documentary "Living with Michael Jackson." They were in the Luxor Hotel, in the gift shop, looking at a sarcophagus of "King Tut." Bashir had asked Michael, "would you want to be buried in something like this?" Michael replied, ( not exact words) no I am not going to die. I am going to live forever.
In fact Michael had once reported during his "Bad" concert times, that he wanted to be be frozen in time as he once put it. Cryonics, where a human is frozen in time and later revived in another time frame. This was Michael's thinking at the time. Sounds good and sort of off the wall, but there are many who believed that they didn't want to get old and wanted to be frozen only to be brought back at a a later time. Now some would say that Frank Di Leo made this up to give Jackson attention to the paparazzi. No one knows for sure. I believed Michael and what he wanted to do and how he felt and it wasn't something off the wall, it was realistic and understandable.
No one will ever know what really went on in his mind, nor should we. Jackson wasn't someone to dissect under a microscope, when we wanted to know every detail about his life, there has to be that separation of privacy and fan base. Yet in Michael's world, it was more illusion and mystery that kept us drawn to him, both fans, media and the world alike. There will never be another like him and nor should they be. Michael was given to us as a gift. His music will never die, it lives on for eternity as will his memory. For there will never be a Michael Jackson that has that much power, ingenuity and magic as this young man had, while on Earth.