June 13th - 2005

written by: Maggie

 

 

I decided to get to the real emotions of why this trial was really the hardest to deal with rather than go into entities of what happened before and during. That most of you already know anyway.

During the times at the fence - I had this awful gut feeling that this was not looking too good at times. It wasn't that the trial wasn't going well. It was the fear of the jurors. Did they already have their minds set? Were some of them paid by Sneddon? No one knew. It was sort of making me sick really. I feared for Michael so badly. He would never make it in a prison or jail. And inmates would rip him apart. I sat and cried an awful lot alone away from fans. I began getting really depressed and wasn't eating. For the first time ever, I was scared to death of what would go down. 
There was a few gals, my black sisters as they liked to be called, told me it's in God's hands.  None of can do or say anything now. The screaming and hooting and hollering is over. Now it's up to the jurors to decide what will be. 
I swear it was the longest wait in history for all of us.

For days there was nothing. I couldn't sleep, talk or even eat. I walked a lot around the court, looking around at the reporters who were just as bored as we were. The news members had taken off for their hotels or to Santa Barbara. 
Even the fans who were going to be allowed in, well they too had taken off to Pismo Beach. It was one time I was glad I wasn't one of them...to have to sit there and hear what we'd hear and have to grin and bear it. 

So I decided to go home for the weekend since nothing was happening. Then the announcement that the jury has decided. I was flying back on that Monday anyway, and had been on my way to Santa Maria.


I swear, the fear of God must have been written all over my face. My hands were shaking and my nerves right on edge. I think if someone said one wrong thing I'd pop them at that moment ...that is how nervous I was.  I got there, my stupid ticket had a my name spelled wrong. Ever try convincing people at the airport "today" that this was a computer glitch and not your fault?  


Well this caused me to have a full security check. My heart was beating, fear I miss the damn plane to Santa Maria. They took my rollaway and threw all the stuff out on the counter. The rough airport security yelled at me. Stand over here, pull your shirt up, frisking every damn part of me. I put my hands out, she yells, what are you doing?  Geez lady all I want to do is get on the plane. I was crying by now. I guess it was making me look like a risk. I kept telling myself. Stop. Be calm. Be calm or they will keep you here.  I stopped crying and breath in and out.  Finally it was over.  The other guy looking a my posters goes...oh your a Jackson fan.  He threw the stuff and my clothes in the suitcase.  He put an okay on it. Told me hurry up the plane is about to take off. I didn't even put on my damn shoes. I ran out to the plane and boarded. When I sat down I felt sick as if I was going to throw up. 


Next to me in the seat, this lady goes, are you okay? Pretty rough on you huh? It was Great VanSustern.  I went yes.  "They're going to announce the verdict at 1:00, so you're okay." She said, "I'll give you a ride halfway to the hotel, sorry, you will have to get to the court on foot."  That was a big relief right there. Since this would really mess me up trying to get a cab.


Once we got into Santa Maria, the plane landed and we all got off together. Got our bags, and she was rushing, and yelled at me, "come on" and I ran still with my stupid shoes in hand. Got into her van and they just pulled out quick and did around 80 mph.  I got to The Rose Garden Inn,"  Greta goes, "What do you think?"  "I said Innocent."  The van took off, she gave me thumbs up. I ran into the lobby, no time to check in. I said can I just leave my suitcase here. The clerk took it and locked it up in the closet.  She said you better hurry up.


I put my shoes on, and began running down the street 2 blocks. I was half crying and I stopped a few people to ask for a ride. They spit in my face and told me to get the "F" away from the.  I ran and my chest was pounding hard. I finally was at the street, running as fast as I could, even took my shoes off to finish the rest of the way. 
When I got there, the crowd was huge. Not like other days with fans. I felt strange being around these haters. They were everywhere. There was dogs barking with the police officers. The officers had head gear, and shields ready for a riot. In the air 4 helicopters were flying around. Pit bulls were with haters in the crowd. 

Where is Fariba? I called out to Fariba. She saw me, she was crying too, She could barely hold her birds. The guys, mostly news media and more photographers were there. This was a huge story and they wouldn't let me get close to her.  Everyone was pushing and shoving, fans, media and haters alike. I saw that the German girls were doing the same as me, and pulled me over to where they were. We couldn't understand each other, but that didn't matter. We stood there and just held onto to one another scared.  ( I'm crying hard as I write this) I can still feel it as if it was happening right now. 


My phone was ringing and it was BJ Hickman. Oh God please get to the front of this mess. He was stuck somewhere and was trying to get to us.  Then the sheriff's department said Jackson is coming to the court. Those of us who are fans knew where to go and see him come in. We rushed over to the side. Crying and shaking so badly. There were Japanese fans along with other fans, Korean and the German girls. We held onto one another tightly. 
Some of the Jackson family couldn't even get to park at the court.

Poor Randy had to go across the street like the rest of us and walk across.  We wished them good luck.  Then the police shouted..."THEY'RE COMING"...the photographers were so aggressive. They shoved us out of the way and we shoved back. The haters were whacking us on the head and yelling get out here you SOB's.  One lady had a dog in her arms, the dog snapped and bit the girl in front of me. 


Suddenly the black SUV's all came rushing up. We had our signs ready, we screamed to Michael, "Good Luck" "We love you" and in they all went. When they did, we all rushed over to the damn fence. Me and the Japanese girls pressed our faces into the fence and cried like we never cried before, and the darn fence gave way and everyone fell on top of us. We got scolded and told to get out of there. 


I headed back with them to the front again. Again still couldn't get near Fariba. My boyfriend was worried sick and he kept calling her to see if I was Okay. We had eye sight of one another. The speakers were on the fence. But you could barely hear them.  The German girls found me again, we held onto one another, crying, but listened.  One by one, you could hear the crowd of fans that were off to the sides scream "Yes" and a dove lifted up into the air. Finally B.J. was there. I held him so damn tight I nearly broke his arm. The rest of the counts were good, the doves flew and I broke down on BJ as did the German girl who was with me. We cried hard. BJ did too.  

We wanted to see the fans who were in the court and how they felt and wanted to know how Michael did.  So we ran to the side. They came out screaming and yelling and telling us it's okay. Michael was crying one said, he was shaking and scared to death. 

Meanwhile those who had to be the ones, the fans that is, who had to go inside had a different experience and far worse than those of us who were waiting outside. This to me was the witnessing of their idol going to what the media had hoped would happen, that is be convicted of all counts and end up going to jail.  These fans had to bear and grin all that had gone on inside. As one told me, he said, "we held onto one another's hands. We prayed a lot." "If you may any noise of any kind during the reading by the jury, you were then automatically thrown out." 

Michael on the other hand, was sitting as he always did at his place, his attorney's by his side. All were feeling pretty sick to their stomachs. Then one by one, "innocent' came and Michael began crying hard. His attorney, Mesereau, gave him Kleenex, as the counts kept getting read and innocent kept be read out. It was finally over. The truth did prevail.
 
 Michael walked out of the court house. Not a happy man, but one that was worn out and tired from all the emotions. He had no more strength left in him to give. He just went back into his SUV and was driven away back to his temporary escape...Neverland Ranch.

Michael was vindicated of all charges. Yet was he a free man literally? I don't think so. His soul and his heart was literally shattered.