HOW CAN I TELL YOU GOODBYE

written by: Maggie

As the clock ticks away the hours of time, the finality of the year will finally come to an end. A year that has begun badly, had been nothing but bad news and it has taken our beloved Michael away from us. It will be hard to start a new year Michael without your sweet smile or knowing you will never be here with us anymore.

There are days when I can get through things and be somewhat happy and days when I feel as if I am sort of in a daze without you. I'm still in that shock mode and still cannot believe all this has happened. It's like ok, we just touched his hand, he just said "I love you more," he was smiling at us all as he was whisked away for rehearsals at the Staples Theatre. I went back home to San Diego happy. Never in a million years did I feel that this would be it, the last time I touched you, heard you, smiled at you. Nothing seems realistic really to me anymore. It's like I'm doing things here mechanically.

My heart is broken in two. No one could ever heal it again or ever take the place of you. It will never be the same. You were my rock at times when things in my life weren't so good. You helped me through, you gave me strength and put back the smile I thought I never see again. You taught me how to love again, to open my heart and find friends. You showed me a world of beauty beyond anything I've ever dreamed about. You healed the heart in a way no one could ever do or cares to understand. You were my rock Michael. It will be hard to begin anew, yet I know time will heal all the pain I feel inside of me. Yet as time goes by, I will never ever forget you. You're in everything I do and see.

Your laughter is in every cloud that rolls by, your presence is in every butterfly that flitters around, and your face in every flower I see. I remember how you loved flowers and how you enjoyed photography very much. You once told me, keep practicing until you master it. I will Michael, I will always remember what you've told me. I will always remember my first meeting with you. That no one can take away from me. How you held me close and whispered in my ear. How you were so concerned about my illness more so than your going to do a show. I'll remember your tenderness and caress. Your hand engulfed in mine, your smile that melted me that beautiful day. Photos and proof are always a way to brag for some fans. A photographer stole that moment from me Michael, I shall never see that moment in a picture, yet the instant is etched in my mind forever and that's all that matters.

I will hold onto the memories of the dinner my friend and I shared with you on the set of "Keep it in the Closet." We had our moments, we shared a laugh or two and never did I want more. I respected you for the person you were, just a young man with a lot of magic within, not some rock star entertainer. You were shy, yet you reeked of sex all at the same time. You were humble and sweet and always polite, even when you're body felt differently.
You endured so much, yet stood so strong and noble throughout. I felt your pain that day you walked into the courtroom. I saw your spirit draining from the very soul of you. You were my brother, my friend, and now that you are gone there will be no more pain to endure. You are finally at peace my sweet angel and I'm glad for that. One day we'll all meet up in that place you spoke of so fondly. Until that time Michael, may the music continue to play and be created, may the angels sing their praises, continue to do the moonwalk on the moon and on the stars above. We will hear the music in the wind and will always remember you. We will never part Michael, for you are always forever in all of our hearts.