VISITING MICHAEL JUNE 25TH 2010

My entire trip down to see Michael was going to be intense but surprise it went fairly well because it wasn't  planned on what I was going to do or how I was going to do it. I wanted to play it by ear.

First I wanted to spend time at Neverland, see what was going down there as far as flowers and decorations were concerned. I had mine with me, but didn't want to put them up on Saturday.

At first it was rather a quiet time. I sat and watched a few people trickle in and leave some flowers and then leave. The next day I would drive by again to check and the flowers and notes would be gone. I tested this out daily until Tuesday to see what the guards really were up to and what they really would accept over there. Finally I got tired of this cat and mouse game, became brave and went over and asked. Are we allowed to leave flowers and some notes? 

After seeing fans bring flowers and things, I think the guards mellowed out somewhat and became quiet and just watched. I had planned on bringing my things on Tuesday. I had this idea at home, that I would put up my butterflies strands that I had made with some kids on both doors, saying Michael Jackson, the words split up in letters in colored butterflies.  I bought 2 huge butterflies from a florist and I wanted to put those up as well.  I had fans write letters, and made a fan book of love in duplication to put in both Forest Lawn and here, I was really excited. Until I saw what happened.

I get there on Tuesday and before I began anything, I once again asked the guard may I leave my flowers. This one was a bit tough, He said no. We don't want anything here. But the guard yesterday said I could leave my flowers. He said no cutting of flowers. Sir, I was getting angry by this time, all I want to do is leave my flowers. Oh he goes, leave flowers, okay go ahead, but no posters okay, a small one is okay, but it right here on this side. ( Left side of the door)

It was upsetting to see that what fans done and had left were constantly being removed. So all plans of what intentions I had were scrapped. Instead I bought some sunflowers and made a sign that wasn't appealing but really had no choice. My original posters I saved for Forest Lawn. I didn't want to leave letters there either, after seeing what happened to other fan things. I walked away after leaving my things, and felt like crap, it wasn't how I had hoped it would be.

I was surprised that the people who owned the place didn't put those pretty floral wreaths on the door like the first time. The feeling I came away with, okay, Jackson is gone, so move on folks. ( Not saying this is what they truly felt, but how it came across to me - cold and empty.)  I just looked, said okay, and walked away real fast and felt like crap. I wanted to go to LA that night.

When I got back to my hotel room , I had a good cry and made my mind up I would go to Forest Lawn in the morning.

LA Trip - Wednesday

When I got to Glendale, I had to switch hotels. Apparently doing it on the internet you don't realize the distance to places until you are there. It didn't take long, I made a reservation via my phone. Got there, took a shower, cooled off a little and got my stuff organized.

Then headed out to find Forest Lawn. Folks I don't know if you did this, but there are two of them. I was in the Hollywood one, walked in to order flowers and as I did, she asked me who they were for, I told the woman "Michael Jackson". "Oh she goes, you are in the wrong place". "You need to be on the other side of town".

Quickly I got into my car and drove over to the right place and began taking photos of it. It's just so beautiful. I didn't know the two of them were so different. I went into the florist shop there to order my flowers.

I wanted to the order them  online, since it was a much better deal, but good thing I didn't, because any outside flowers would be placed out in the sun. Those that ordered flowers from Forest Lawn, were placed inside Michael's resting area.

I looked around and she asked me what I had in mind. I knew of the bleeding heart spray and a few others. We agreed on a design, the flowers, all white roses and a spray of red roses as well. I also ordered a some big butterflies as my signature and requested a big white ribbon signed in gold to be placed on the flowers saying " L.O.V.E ALL THE FANS." I wanted them  delivered on Friday morning. When I mentioned Michael Jackson, they said sure, and we'll placed them inside the mausoleum so the Jackson family during their private memorial service inside can view what was given.

I ordered a few sunflowers just to take with me up to Michael's place. I walked up  the hill and there was Holly Terrace. Some fans were there, the French ones I had met at Neverland, and I was so happy to see them, and a few others as well. They were taking pictures, and fixing their posters.

I had with me the two small posters and the Book of Love and other little things that were given to me to  take there. When I got to the door of the crypt, I did try and peak in the door. It looked so cold and dark and lifeless there. I leaned my head on the door and all the emotions I've been maintaining just flowed out of me all at once. Why Michael, why did this have to happen to you, why did you leave us like this, leave your children all alone, why? Suddenly an arm went around me, she happened to hear me, and we both cried on each other.

It was God's way of saying, if you don't treat what I give to you - right - then I shall take him back home  where he'll be appreciated. 

A young French girl was in a wheelchair, was crying as well, she wanted to come up the stairs to touch the doors where Michael was. Only thing, there was no ramp for her wheel chair.  So an African American lady asked can you help me? We both positioned ourselves to lift this  girl out of her chair and into our arms up  the stairs towards the door of Michael.  Once there she cried very hard, her hand reached out and  touched the door, and we helped her, by leaning forward to get her hand over to leave the sunflowers she had.  Once done,  we picked her up and brought her back to her wheelchair. Gathering around  we just cried really hard. It was a moment that I shall never forget and neither will they.

Then the guard drove up, he said, that he would take our things inside of the mausoleum. So the fan letters went inside that I had, the ladies special book made by fans and herself also had gone in and some other little sweet things as well. He told us to all go to the bottom of the stairs so this process could done and no photos could be taken.

We had to leave after that. The place was closing down for the day. They were bringing up the barricades for Friday already. The guard told us we were lucky to be here as it was quiet and we were able to at least get to the door. The others will not have this chance. They'll have to stand behind a barricade.

I'm sure Friday was beautiful. As I drove by, the traffic that day was horrible, but I saw the doves fly into the traffic and up over the place and turning  around. How beautiful that was. As if Michael was giving his loving approval of the entire spectacle.

I drove on and went down to the Beverly Hills home, where Michael actually died, and it's here where the spirit truly is. ( At least that how I believe anyway.) I left a rose or two on the mail box, said a prayer and moved out there quickly. It was eerie there, no longer a place of wonderment, but more a place of dread and I could feel it go through me.

Continuing on, I went on down to Encino.  I had another copy of the book of  letters of love that I as just going to leave on the intercom box. But suddenly the door began to swing open. Out came this young man, eyes like Michael's, a smile to die for, big and wide. He asked, "may I take these from you." I told him that would be fantastic. He took the book and other things and said he'd give them to the grandmother for the kids. I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. I felt like as if I accomplished something. I turned and asked are you a Jackson or a guard? He said a cousin.

BACK TO SOLVANG Friday

Once back at Neverland, the place looked so beautiful -- covered in stunning flowers and a heart stood at the right. Art in posters were sprawled out everywhere. In stone, sketches, and paintings and even actual paintings. An artist showed up to remember Michael. He did a pop art piece and asked fans to pose with him. The guards were finally nice. We were allowed to play music, not loud, no dancing, but to listen only. No candlelight vigils were allowed.

Bus loads of people came from all over, mostly from the orient, Japan, Korea just to name a few. Germany, Italy, Dutch, Spain, and France.

Saturday June 26th

It was time for me to get ready to go home. I went touring around shops, bought some wool, dolls and other things. Went around some of the tourist places and had a good time there. Then decided to go to Neverland for one last time.

It was rather sad to go back really. Once was a beautiful surrounding place of peace and harmony, looked now sort of in disarray. The sweet sunflower chime I saw a fan put on the lantern above the left door, was now gone, as were the sunflowers someone left there. The large posters on the wall on the right side, were torn down and laying sideways,  flowers that lined the walls were now gone. It was going to be a last photo opportunity, but seeing this turned me off. I could barely speak to anyone, but did out of politeness. Walls were still be graffiti on. The weekend was coming to an end and the guards knew it. Buses that came, were now packing up and leaving.  

It was over at last, my last look, my last goodbye to the place, time to head on back home. As I did I heard the song, "will you be there," Michael's sweet voice brought up the tears again. Suddenly at the end of the road, past the little village across the way, a deer ran into my pathway. I looked at it and it looked at me. Oh Michael, you have the strangest ways of showing up to cheer me up or in this case nearly cause me an accident. As quickly as it came it scattered down to the river below the bridge. How unique this was and what a revelation too. A perfect way to end the memorial weekend.